I am a proud Indian, one of the many who revere the history, tradition and rich heritage; that forms the very fabric of our country. In the wake of the latest news w.r.t standing up for the National Anthem in a movie theater, being made compulsory; certain thoughts tend to plague the mind. I, for instance, am an ordinary housewife, and do a bit of freelance writing once a while; one of the many million faces that gets lost in a crowd, a nobody basically, am completely confused! And, I would like to believe there are plenty of others like me, who probably are equally baffled.
Though it's a good move, especially for fostering a sense of respect for the country, one wonders whether the system should have focussed on making public places safer for women and children. Now that is something most people in our country don't like! I wish I could go to a theater without apprehensions like, "I wish the seat next to me is not occupied by an unpleasant male," or "I hope the guy behind me does not kick my chair and intentionally molest!" I wish there was a system of redressal and punishment so offenders would think twice. I suppose not just me, but all the women in the country would sing "Mera Bharat Mahan" in chorus.
This of course is just one facet of a multi-layered, complicated and skewed social mindset. A social connection, recently posted a Whatsapp profile picture. She was looking very pretty in a short tunic frock. So I sent her a message, saying "What a lovely pic!" She was all "Thank you!" and invited me for an after dinner stroll the very day. In conversation, I happened to mention, "I have never seen you in Western clothes, you always wear Salwar Kameez and Sari, so was pleasantly surprised to see your picture." Pat came the reply, "I live with my IN-laws na, so I don't have an option! I carried the dress in my bag, changed at a friend's place, and post party changed back into my traditional attire!" I was, I admit, a little surprised. Though I marvel at my own stupidity, After all this is exactly what we should ideally expect from a "sanskari" bahu!"
I have heard people using derogatory terms like "Aunty" for those who are not comfortable in Western clothes, and equally appalling is the use of terms like "Slut" for those who sport fancy Western wear!
For some inane, inexplicable reason, the average middle class women tend to think that sporting anything but traditional will make them slutty! So they do it on the SLY!!!The very people who use terms like "cheapster," "slut," for others; hide Western wear in their bags, go to parties, drink, dance, have fun, and then quietly change back into the sanskari mode, so they can come home to their in-laws!!!
Besides, the above I have come across yet another typical type. The one who is not comfortable with who she is, always conscious of what she is wearing, and mostly prefers to sport Indian traditional. This is a very special category. I have first hand experience with the type! They'll look at you with appraising eyes, make snide remarks, at times in public, among friends and relatives; and then suddenly one fine day turn up in Westerns, with "the if you can wear, so can I look!" on her face!!!
Some of the ladies, I personally interact with, especially the ones, who lecture about tradition, culture etc. cannot recite something as basic as the "Hanuman Chalisa!" Most of them haven't read the Epics, and have little or no connection with Fiction, Mythological stories etc. I know a lady (Totally Sanskari) who was at a loss when she came for Ganpati Puja at my place. Whatever conversations I have had with the type, boils down to judging a woman based on:
Men of course, are the breadwinners and the stronger sex, so you cannot judge them at all!
I for example sport traditional or Western wear as and when I please. And , I find it very funny when people judge! This is laughable, but I have been treated differently, and have been stamped as a 'good lady' and a 'fast woman' based on first impressions!!! All because I chose to wear a certain kind of dress on a particular day!
All this hypocrisy, stupidity and hatred stems from a number of reasons: foremost being, Men are bad, they look at you with dirty eyes; so the only way to protect yourself is by wearing unsmart, and unattractive clothes. If you wear fancy Westerns or smart clothing, "It is because you are desperate for male attention!"
The system cannot protect us, in -laws will reject us and we'll be termed as ones with "loose morals." So better safe than sorry! Who wants to get raped!!! "For Crying out loud!"
My question is why encourage this foolishness? Clothes should be worn according to seasonal requirement, you personal comfort, choice and mood! Yes, when we live in a civil society we should not wear vulgar clothes, not because it attracts men, but for maintaining social decorum. And men should also maintain the same. They are equally offensive when they come out bare bodied in shorts, lungis, and cheap swimwear. This code of conduct should be applicable to all sexes and not just women.
Also there is this widely prevalent stupid notion that clothes define a human being!!! How can you look at an individual's attire and decide whether she / he is honest, kind, empathetic, caring or maybe a hardened criminal, or someone with no scruples???
In my experience girls from small towns who generally sport "traditional" wear, when at home are what one would socially term as "fast!" whatever that means!! City girls are straightforward, do what they like, honest and generally don't have hypocritical standards. That may sound judgemental but is a comment totally based on personal experience, may not be true for others!
I wish the system would make it mandatory for local law makers to size up men who lech at women. I wish, the custodians of law could make it mandatory for officials to listen to a lady and take action, howsoever unimportant the complaint is.
There's more, Just the other day I was out for a movie with my daughter and husband, we were on the escalator when, someone started whistling, the vibe was rather cheap, so I turned around to look. A mom was staring helplessly at her teenaged son who was whistling and leching! Had I been the mother I would have kicked him so hard, that he'd think twice before doing it again. All this not for the woman he was whistling at, but for him, so he grows up into a better human being and can differentiate between, being mischievous and outright cheap! I wish our Mahan desh had more families with a better value system...
I seem to have, as usual, digressed from the point. Coming back to it, this token move by the Supreme Court (Everyone must stand up for the National Anthem) at movie theaters, is highly appreciated. After all it will give us a sense of belonging and may foster patriotism at some level. But one does wonder why the government and courts don't consider introducing patriotic token moves such as:
So on and so forth. Actually the list is endless!
When we read stuff like, "minor raped, killed and dumped," or "student committed suicide as a result of ragging!" or "foreign tourist raped and killed in Kerala," "Muslims families cannot stay in a building with majority Hindu population," "tenants are second class citizens, so avoid and isolate their children, so they feel awkward in the community!" etc etc. I don't think it fosters a sense of nationalism...quite otherwise actually!! I'd feel more patriotic if I knew that a man however, criminal minded, will think twice before attacking a child or a woman, because the government machinery is so strict, that they'll have to pay for it!!! I wish the system could instill that kind of fear in the hearts of criminals, defaulters, and hate mongers juvenile or not.
Personally, a housewife like me thinks, that the above mentioned cannot really attack the hypocritical mindset, so the majority can live in peace and continue to do as they please. But, at least we'll feel a bit more safe when out with friends or children.
#Random thoughts of a slightly depressed and disillusioned mind!
Though it's a good move, especially for fostering a sense of respect for the country, one wonders whether the system should have focussed on making public places safer for women and children. Now that is something most people in our country don't like! I wish I could go to a theater without apprehensions like, "I wish the seat next to me is not occupied by an unpleasant male," or "I hope the guy behind me does not kick my chair and intentionally molest!" I wish there was a system of redressal and punishment so offenders would think twice. I suppose not just me, but all the women in the country would sing "Mera Bharat Mahan" in chorus.
This of course is just one facet of a multi-layered, complicated and skewed social mindset. A social connection, recently posted a Whatsapp profile picture. She was looking very pretty in a short tunic frock. So I sent her a message, saying "What a lovely pic!" She was all "Thank you!" and invited me for an after dinner stroll the very day. In conversation, I happened to mention, "I have never seen you in Western clothes, you always wear Salwar Kameez and Sari, so was pleasantly surprised to see your picture." Pat came the reply, "I live with my IN-laws na, so I don't have an option! I carried the dress in my bag, changed at a friend's place, and post party changed back into my traditional attire!" I was, I admit, a little surprised. Though I marvel at my own stupidity, After all this is exactly what we should ideally expect from a "sanskari" bahu!"
I have heard people using derogatory terms like "Aunty" for those who are not comfortable in Western clothes, and equally appalling is the use of terms like "Slut" for those who sport fancy Western wear!
For some inane, inexplicable reason, the average middle class women tend to think that sporting anything but traditional will make them slutty! So they do it on the SLY!!!The very people who use terms like "cheapster," "slut," for others; hide Western wear in their bags, go to parties, drink, dance, have fun, and then quietly change back into the sanskari mode, so they can come home to their in-laws!!!
Besides, the above I have come across yet another typical type. The one who is not comfortable with who she is, always conscious of what she is wearing, and mostly prefers to sport Indian traditional. This is a very special category. I have first hand experience with the type! They'll look at you with appraising eyes, make snide remarks, at times in public, among friends and relatives; and then suddenly one fine day turn up in Westerns, with "the if you can wear, so can I look!" on her face!!!
Some of the ladies, I personally interact with, especially the ones, who lecture about tradition, culture etc. cannot recite something as basic as the "Hanuman Chalisa!" Most of them haven't read the Epics, and have little or no connection with Fiction, Mythological stories etc. I know a lady (Totally Sanskari) who was at a loss when she came for Ganpati Puja at my place. Whatever conversations I have had with the type, boils down to judging a woman based on:
- the kind of clothes she wears! and
- a lady becomes even better if she wipes out memories of her childhood and family from her mind, and devotes herself to her man and his family. Her parents should ideally cease to exist! Of course you can call them on the sly and abuse your parents in-law, but that's ok!!!
Men of course, are the breadwinners and the stronger sex, so you cannot judge them at all!
I for example sport traditional or Western wear as and when I please. And , I find it very funny when people judge! This is laughable, but I have been treated differently, and have been stamped as a 'good lady' and a 'fast woman' based on first impressions!!! All because I chose to wear a certain kind of dress on a particular day!
All this hypocrisy, stupidity and hatred stems from a number of reasons: foremost being, Men are bad, they look at you with dirty eyes; so the only way to protect yourself is by wearing unsmart, and unattractive clothes. If you wear fancy Westerns or smart clothing, "It is because you are desperate for male attention!"
The system cannot protect us, in -laws will reject us and we'll be termed as ones with "loose morals." So better safe than sorry! Who wants to get raped!!! "For Crying out loud!"
My question is why encourage this foolishness? Clothes should be worn according to seasonal requirement, you personal comfort, choice and mood! Yes, when we live in a civil society we should not wear vulgar clothes, not because it attracts men, but for maintaining social decorum. And men should also maintain the same. They are equally offensive when they come out bare bodied in shorts, lungis, and cheap swimwear. This code of conduct should be applicable to all sexes and not just women.
Also there is this widely prevalent stupid notion that clothes define a human being!!! How can you look at an individual's attire and decide whether she / he is honest, kind, empathetic, caring or maybe a hardened criminal, or someone with no scruples???
In my experience girls from small towns who generally sport "traditional" wear, when at home are what one would socially term as "fast!" whatever that means!! City girls are straightforward, do what they like, honest and generally don't have hypocritical standards. That may sound judgemental but is a comment totally based on personal experience, may not be true for others!
I wish the system would make it mandatory for local law makers to size up men who lech at women. I wish, the custodians of law could make it mandatory for officials to listen to a lady and take action, howsoever unimportant the complaint is.
There's more, Just the other day I was out for a movie with my daughter and husband, we were on the escalator when, someone started whistling, the vibe was rather cheap, so I turned around to look. A mom was staring helplessly at her teenaged son who was whistling and leching! Had I been the mother I would have kicked him so hard, that he'd think twice before doing it again. All this not for the woman he was whistling at, but for him, so he grows up into a better human being and can differentiate between, being mischievous and outright cheap! I wish our Mahan desh had more families with a better value system...
I seem to have, as usual, digressed from the point. Coming back to it, this token move by the Supreme Court (Everyone must stand up for the National Anthem) at movie theaters, is highly appreciated. After all it will give us a sense of belonging and may foster patriotism at some level. But one does wonder why the government and courts don't consider introducing patriotic token moves such as:
- Setting up CCTV cameras at public places. Many traffic junctions at big cities have them. And we definitely appreciate that. But somehow they are not working as deterrents! People still do as they please!
- Fining those who pee in public.
- Fine those who honk loudly, especially at traffic junctions and in residential areas
- Fining or punishing men who indulge in offensive behavior in public places.
- Introduce responsive women cells at traffic junctions
- Force builders to build residential towers with mandatory play areas for children, regardless of how small the building is!
- Define anti- harassment laws and implement them,
- Hire police recruits from better backgrounds, instead of allowing lecherous men to take up responsible policing functions.
So on and so forth. Actually the list is endless!
When we read stuff like, "minor raped, killed and dumped," or "student committed suicide as a result of ragging!" or "foreign tourist raped and killed in Kerala," "Muslims families cannot stay in a building with majority Hindu population," "tenants are second class citizens, so avoid and isolate their children, so they feel awkward in the community!" etc etc. I don't think it fosters a sense of nationalism...quite otherwise actually!! I'd feel more patriotic if I knew that a man however, criminal minded, will think twice before attacking a child or a woman, because the government machinery is so strict, that they'll have to pay for it!!! I wish the system could instill that kind of fear in the hearts of criminals, defaulters, and hate mongers juvenile or not.
Personally, a housewife like me thinks, that the above mentioned cannot really attack the hypocritical mindset, so the majority can live in peace and continue to do as they please. But, at least we'll feel a bit more safe when out with friends or children.
#Random thoughts of a slightly depressed and disillusioned mind!
