Random thoughts

One family member falls ill, and everyone flies down from different states to check on her. They leave their work, and travel without giving a second thought to their own problems! Moms for example, afflicted with joint pains, osteoporosis, borderline sugar levels, spondylosis and other smaller ailments..just jump to the rescue! A sibling with an impending operative procedure and workplace pressures, doesn't think twice before flying in...

All that for one weakling who cannot extend help or support when they need it the most. Funny! One cannot but help worry.. When they need you, they sideline you, because they think you are no good and cannot help. True perhaps! But sad. Every person in the family has some role to play.
Empathy can never be; in fact should never be misconstrued as pity or "she thinks I am vulnerable"!

If you can care and worry for someone, they worry for you too. It is strange and weird to imagine that 'you care' but the other members of the family don't. Arrogance of sorts I guess. Its like I am one person who cares but everyone else who reaches out to me is either selfish, fake or uncaring! To tell people, "You don't have to worry about me, look out for yourself!" Not fair! but the world isnt fair. We have not been fair to others. We do stuff that others do not approve off! So what the heck!

When Yudhisthira, the Pandava ruler of Hastinapur decided to renounce everything and walk up the 'Mandara'; the highest snow clad mountain that led to Swarga Lok; he was hardly prepared for the last and final lesson - 'Swarga Prapti'. Such is the interpretation of events described in a book written by one of the greatest Mythological writers of our times. It gets one thinking. I for one was deeply impacted.The fact that Pandavas lived a righteous life under the guidance of Lord Krishna and yet had to go to hell; and the Kauravas who were not just desolute but practically criminal went to Swarga Lok by virtue of having died in Kurukshetra leaves one in a state of mental flux.

Bhima had to pay for his gluttony, Draupadi who apparently was goddess incarnate had to pay for her hatred, favoritism and manipulative actions and Arjuna for his passion and arrogance. For an ordinary human being like me it becomes a little too much. :) Considering the fact that common people like me have to deal with manipulative people everyday, it becomes too hard to accept that the righteous path may not always take you in the right direction. A disturbing thought!

And then there is the discourse on Dharma by the Lord himself to Arjuna. One has to do ones duty, regardless of the environment, conditions and possible consequences. How can one kill without hatred or passion? If the Pandavas were not just fighting for their land and prestige; and were on the side of dharma, why were they not entitled to Swarga? were their faults that big? Was Yudhisthira not equally responsible, infact more for what happened. After all it was his weakness for dice that led to the fatal turn of events. Was he just when he gambled his brothers lives and his wife? If the thirteen years in exile taught him lessons, did not the other brothers do their part? Was Draupadi's hatred unjustified? Should she have simply forgiven Dushasana?  Was it right for Kunti to ask 5 sons to share a wife? Was Draupadi not wronged? She had to pay dearly for rejecting Karna's proposition. What did the others do to earn 'Narak Lok'? Just a thought!

It is all so confusing and I guess too much for a common housewife! 

The 'Male Crutch' Syndrome

During a random conversation with someone, I was promptly informed; "you don't have a brother na!!! This profound statement was in response to a comment I made about a past instance where I was deeply offended. There was a specific occasion for which me and my husband had scrimped and saved. We had organized a fancy do because it was a once in a lifetime event. When a certain set usurped the entire festivities and spoiled the function. Simply because I have no brother!!! So when I was recounting the episode the lady suddenly dropped her 'pearl of wisdom'. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry; infact I was at a loss! Especially because I happen to come from an educated and progressive family; and have a strong value system. I am used to ladies who are strong and accomplished in their own right; that includes homemakers!!!

What a tragedy! I felt sorry for the person.Somewhere I guess we need to pity those with a regressive mind. Some women it seems have practically no self confidence. Their only claim to fame is that they have a husband, father or a brother. They draw inspiration not from their own desire to do something; but from what they perceive others are doing! Everything they do is to either to entrap a man or to keep clinging on to the one in their life. They keep struggling with insecurities and complexes. My mother always used to repeat this age old adage, "do what you do, do it well." "Follow your heart, stitch, sing, dance, learn music, read, study..." Not all of us can become successful career women, though we can lead meaningful lives by pursuing hobbies that make us happy and add to accomplishment." As far as brothers and sisters are concerned they are an integral part of our lives. Husbands are soulmates or friends but they cannot be the sole reason to justify our existence. Am sure men hate cling-ons! I know my husband does!!!

And having a brother cannot possibly be a passport to host a social function; and that which I have paid for from my own pocket! Also for those who love to cling on to age old traditions, with due regard there is no such 'Shastra' that declares that if a lady doesn't have a brother, she cannot organize a social do!!! Relatives are important and play an integral part in our lives. afterall no man can live alone. We all like to interact, have fun and mix; but the responsibility for keeping boundaries also lies with us. Interestingly I did a bit of amateur research to figure out tradition. It seems the particular ceremony in question can be performed by the maternal uncle, or the child's father. Incase no one is around the Maternal or paternal grandfather/uncle can conduct the ceremony; "Only if invited to do so by the child's birth mother!!!  Tradition :)) again very "male crutch" oriented!!! The point to be noted is that the child's birth mother is the one who decides!